Carolyn CordonUnderstanding ourselves
December 5th 2007 22:13
Thoughts from a cluttered mind………..I thought it was time to begin sharing a work in progress, and is being considered for publication. The title – “Thoughts From a Cluttered Mind,” and is a personal journey through childhood abuse and bipolar disorder, the good, the bad and the ugly. I am going to share the intro here, while I am working on the finishing touches.
The Great Spirit is not perfect; it has a good side and a bad side. Sometimes the bad side gives us more knowledge than the good side.
(Lakota)
A journey is described as a trip from one place to another. This is a journey from the depths of depression and suicide, surviving a childhood of abuse, and mental illness; to finding a voice in the in the face of adversity and strength within myself.
The stories I tell, are not solely mine, there are people who played major rolls, good and bad, there are moments I do not remember and some I would rather not. I want to share them from two separate views, in two voices so to speak, the voice of abuse and mental illness and above all my voice. I do this to show the normalcy, amidst the fear and pain. I weave within the story excerpts from diary entries I have made over the years, to show the confusion, the fear, and the wonder and hopefully for those who read these words – promise. To put a voice to these memories brings them to the forefront allowing the feelings become real. For those who still fear the abuse, the details are hard to face – but t hey need to be. It will take time, it will not be easy, but what is on the other side is worth the pain and memories. I do not use names in this story, noting only the relationship to me or my family. The reason is to keep the focus on the story itself, the journey taken and the promise that is meant for you to find.
The more you ask how far you have to go, the longer your journey seems. (Seneca)
The undertaking of this book is my desire for those hurting, especially women, to know that they are not alone. To share the way out, that what you were told when you were young is not true, you are more than the lies, more than the abuse, more than what we may see in ourselves. It is said that everything happens for a reason; it’s difficult to see what the reason is for abuse, but if my story, my life can help others then it was worth it and I will continue to “pay it forward.”
“I want to know how to help her grow up and know that the world is safe now. Those who abandoned us are gone and I have control now. I just hope I am strong enough and hope I don’t make any mistakes and hurt her or me.”
In age, talk; in childhood, tears. (Hopi)
The Great Spirit is not perfect; it has a good side and a bad side. Sometimes the bad side gives us more knowledge than the good side.
(Lakota)
A journey is described as a trip from one place to another. This is a journey from the depths of depression and suicide, surviving a childhood of abuse, and mental illness; to finding a voice in the in the face of adversity and strength within myself.
The stories I tell, are not solely mine, there are people who played major rolls, good and bad, there are moments I do not remember and some I would rather not. I want to share them from two separate views, in two voices so to speak, the voice of abuse and mental illness and above all my voice. I do this to show the normalcy, amidst the fear and pain. I weave within the story excerpts from diary entries I have made over the years, to show the confusion, the fear, and the wonder and hopefully for those who read these words – promise. To put a voice to these memories brings them to the forefront allowing the feelings become real. For those who still fear the abuse, the details are hard to face – but t hey need to be. It will take time, it will not be easy, but what is on the other side is worth the pain and memories. I do not use names in this story, noting only the relationship to me or my family. The reason is to keep the focus on the story itself, the journey taken and the promise that is meant for you to find.
The more you ask how far you have to go, the longer your journey seems. (Seneca)
The undertaking of this book is my desire for those hurting, especially women, to know that they are not alone. To share the way out, that what you were told when you were young is not true, you are more than the lies, more than the abuse, more than what we may see in ourselves. It is said that everything happens for a reason; it’s difficult to see what the reason is for abuse, but if my story, my life can help others then it was worth it and I will continue to “pay it forward.”
“I want to know how to help her grow up and know that the world is safe now. Those who abandoned us are gone and I have control now. I just hope I am strong enough and hope I don’t make any mistakes and hurt her or me.”
In age, talk; in childhood, tears. (Hopi)
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